This is the story of how, and why, I spent the past weekend in a planned state of panic.
Spoiler alert for any uninitiated bots following my Twitter feed: I'm a nerd. A geek. A self-conscious fan of science and folklore, as manifest in both forensic and fictionalized forms. I have a double BA from Northwestern in Mathematics and History. I have read the entirety of Frazer's Golden Bough and often perform non-Euclidean geometry in my sleep.
I'm also a survivor of child sexual abuse. I wish I could say that's not relevant, but I suspect it may be coloring -- the panic, obviously, but also my take on that.
Despite my deeply dysfunctional, profoundly introverted personal inclinations... I am also a MOM. I chose to have children. Probably the most selfish choice I have ever made. And yet: You. Anyone. Everyone. Can tell I don't regret it.
Which brings us to MarsCon 2018. Annual gathering of geeks in Williamsburg, VA. A mini-vacation, fun family time for myself, my partner, and our nerdling teenage daughters. Second consecutive year we've attempted this, and I have to say I am owning it.
Cons ("conventions" -- I love the cognitive dissonance) like this are places where individuals are allowed/expected to "geek out" over their favorite cultural icons. Usually in the context of science fiction or fantasy, but almost anything goes; the people who stand out the most are actually the ones in mundane, ordinary outfits. As an anarchist, I'm not a super enthused fan of pop culture... but I do like some stuff, enough to want to share it. In the context of MarsCon, I wanted to share my affection for Rebecca Sugar and her cartoon "Steven Universe." I liked the character Rose Quartz to such an extent that I hand-crafted a costume for cosplay.
My first ever attempt. Spray-painted (pink) foam sword from 5 Below, wrapped the hilt in darker pink Duck Tape. Poofy tulle pink ombre skirt from a true artisan on Etsy, white t-shirt a Tar-zhay, dainty pink velvet ballerina slippers from J.C. Penny's, perfectly matching pink velvet backpack via Wal-Mart.
Immediately upon entrance: small children gaze @ me & whisper to one another: "Steven Universe!"
Before lunch, I have to stop counting the positive reactions I am receiving. Information overload, bias encountered, how to correct? System failure!
In the dealer room, I am waiting to buy something when a middle-aged man approaches me. "My daughter wants to know if you're Rose Quartz from Steven Universe, but she's too shy to ask." I reply, "Yes! I am! And I am super shy too!!!"
Couple hours later, I am huddled in a corner sipping chai; a tiny, super extroverted 4-year-old human appears next to me: "I like your pink hair. I want to touch it?" I tell her of course she can. She asks me if I have my own hair underneath? Yes, I do. "What are you?" she asks. "I'm Rose Quartz!" I can tell she has no idea who that is, and yet she is supremely satisfied.
My life partner needed me to take driving control on our way to MarsCon, when we were weary and I was (artificially) hyper-alert. Google had lied to us (no surprise) yet we managed to find our way despite disinformation. Normal people would have registered our experience as negative, or at least a minor setback... and yet what I took from it most was our delight in street-level fog over the Rappahannock River. Mystical environment encompassing us as we achieved objective goals!
I was 30 years old before I learned to drive. No excuse, no reason outside the admission that attacks on children can lead to craziness, and this trend is drastically under-reported by science. I wouldn't think of going here, except that I am outside my box and my closest genetic relative can't comment because he is pigeonholed as a crazy sub-human.
Anyone who has ever interacted with me knows that I'm not an optimist. It's not just that I don't automatically look on the bright side. I have empirical trouble seeing anything but darkness.... anywhere. So it meant something, at least to me, that I chose to role-play a positive person. Someone who can see beauty in anything. Someone who accepts everyone around her for who they are. Someone with the courage to practice real-life curiosity and compassion.
Street-level fog corresponds one-to-one with obfuscation re: facts with regard to the narrative of the last 30 yrs. I can't cleanly divest myself from this shit, ergo I cannot endorse anyone who claims to achieve that.
I am not Rose Quartz. But I'd like to be.
And for a little while, other humans saw me being her.
Spoiler alert for any uninitiated bots following my Twitter feed: I'm a nerd. A geek. A self-conscious fan of science and folklore, as manifest in both forensic and fictionalized forms. I have a double BA from Northwestern in Mathematics and History. I have read the entirety of Frazer's Golden Bough and often perform non-Euclidean geometry in my sleep.
I'm also a survivor of child sexual abuse. I wish I could say that's not relevant, but I suspect it may be coloring -- the panic, obviously, but also my take on that.
Despite my deeply dysfunctional, profoundly introverted personal inclinations... I am also a MOM. I chose to have children. Probably the most selfish choice I have ever made. And yet: You. Anyone. Everyone. Can tell I don't regret it.
Which brings us to MarsCon 2018. Annual gathering of geeks in Williamsburg, VA. A mini-vacation, fun family time for myself, my partner, and our nerdling teenage daughters. Second consecutive year we've attempted this, and I have to say I am owning it.
Cons ("conventions" -- I love the cognitive dissonance) like this are places where individuals are allowed/expected to "geek out" over their favorite cultural icons. Usually in the context of science fiction or fantasy, but almost anything goes; the people who stand out the most are actually the ones in mundane, ordinary outfits. As an anarchist, I'm not a super enthused fan of pop culture... but I do like some stuff, enough to want to share it. In the context of MarsCon, I wanted to share my affection for Rebecca Sugar and her cartoon "Steven Universe." I liked the character Rose Quartz to such an extent that I hand-crafted a costume for cosplay.
My first ever attempt. Spray-painted (pink) foam sword from 5 Below, wrapped the hilt in darker pink Duck Tape. Poofy tulle pink ombre skirt from a true artisan on Etsy, white t-shirt a Tar-zhay, dainty pink velvet ballerina slippers from J.C. Penny's, perfectly matching pink velvet backpack via Wal-Mart.
Immediately upon entrance: small children gaze @ me & whisper to one another: "Steven Universe!"
Before lunch, I have to stop counting the positive reactions I am receiving. Information overload, bias encountered, how to correct? System failure!
In the dealer room, I am waiting to buy something when a middle-aged man approaches me. "My daughter wants to know if you're Rose Quartz from Steven Universe, but she's too shy to ask." I reply, "Yes! I am! And I am super shy too!!!"
Couple hours later, I am huddled in a corner sipping chai; a tiny, super extroverted 4-year-old human appears next to me: "I like your pink hair. I want to touch it?" I tell her of course she can. She asks me if I have my own hair underneath? Yes, I do. "What are you?" she asks. "I'm Rose Quartz!" I can tell she has no idea who that is, and yet she is supremely satisfied.
My life partner needed me to take driving control on our way to MarsCon, when we were weary and I was (artificially) hyper-alert. Google had lied to us (no surprise) yet we managed to find our way despite disinformation. Normal people would have registered our experience as negative, or at least a minor setback... and yet what I took from it most was our delight in street-level fog over the Rappahannock River. Mystical environment encompassing us as we achieved objective goals!
I was 30 years old before I learned to drive. No excuse, no reason outside the admission that attacks on children can lead to craziness, and this trend is drastically under-reported by science. I wouldn't think of going here, except that I am outside my box and my closest genetic relative can't comment because he is pigeonholed as a crazy sub-human.
Anyone who has ever interacted with me knows that I'm not an optimist. It's not just that I don't automatically look on the bright side. I have empirical trouble seeing anything but darkness.... anywhere. So it meant something, at least to me, that I chose to role-play a positive person. Someone who can see beauty in anything. Someone who accepts everyone around her for who they are. Someone with the courage to practice real-life curiosity and compassion.
Street-level fog corresponds one-to-one with obfuscation re: facts with regard to the narrative of the last 30 yrs. I can't cleanly divest myself from this shit, ergo I cannot endorse anyone who claims to achieve that.
I am not Rose Quartz. But I'd like to be.
And for a little while, other humans saw me being her.
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